How to Break Up with Your Boyfriend if You Are in Love with Him
Breaking up with someone you love is hard, but with the right attitude and a lot of confidence, you will be able to burn the fire out. Ultimately, you need to be willing to put your own health, happiness, and future first. If that future doesn’t contain your man, then it is time to end things with him, even if you still have feelings.
Ask why you want to break-up with him. Breaking up with someone is hard. It is no easier when you still have feelings for him. However, sometimes relationships stall, grow apart, and become difficult to manage due to time or space apart. You can be in love with someone and still feel like you need to move on to a new stage of your life. If you’re considering a break-up, ask yourself a few questions about yourself and the relationship. If you say no to most of the following, it may be time to move on:
Do you only want to break up because of present circumstances, like a recent fight or money troubles? If not, is it because of long-term problems?
Do you have second thoughts about breaking up, or have you been sure of your decision for a few weeks?
If your partner asked you for a second chance, would you say yes?
Do you see your partner in your life 6 months from now?
Write down a list of reasons why you want to break up. No doubt it may be hard, but if you get down your reasons down on paper, it makes it easier to convince yourself you need to get through with this. Don’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings — this paper is for you and you only. Brainstorm why you need to end things, considering the following reasons:
You can’t give him the love he deserves. You may need to move for a new job, want to spend more time with your family, or have a hard time supporting his needs. If you truly love him but know that you can’t/don’t want be there for him, it’s time to end it.
You’ve fallen in love with someone else. Unfortunately, you can’t really control who you love. If you’ve got deep feelings for another, you need to end things with your current man before moving on.
You don’t see yourself spending the rest of your life with him. This is especially important if he seems to plan his future around you. End things now instead of hoping you change your mind — it won’t happen.
You’re unhappy. If the bad times outweigh the good, and the relationship weighs on your mind each day, it’s time to move on. This isn’t a phase — this is relationship that has begun to go sour.
Look over your reasons one week later. Read your reasons for needing to break up with him and see if they still feel true. Did you dash that list off in the spur of the moment, or do you still feel the same way seven days later. If you’re still sure of your decision to break-up, you’ve made the right one.
Look ahead to an independent lifestyle, not at the temporary pain a break up will bring. Many people stay in relationships for too long because they’re afraid of the emotional whiplash being alone will bring. You may understand that you’ll be better in the long run, but the short-term pain makes breaking up seem unbearable. However, you’ve got to rip off the bandage sometimes, and it will get easier if you remind yourself of several key things:
You will not be alone forever. Being single does not mean you’ll never find love again, even if it feels like you’ll never find another “perfect” man.
Independence will make you stronger. Being alone is hard, but it forces you to grow in unexpected and important ways. You do not need your guy to be strong and happy.
Remind yourself why you love him to ensure you’re making the right decision. This may be one of the hardest things to do, especially if you’ve committed to ending the relationship, but you need to consider the good with the bad. Jot down why you love him, the reasons you’re together, and the good times you’ve had. Remember, you will always have these memories, no matter what happens between you. If you make it through this trip down memory lane, but still know that it would be best to end things, then you’ll know for sure that you’ve made the right decision.
Remember, it may be best to break up even if you still have feelings for him. You just want to be sure that the bad outweighs the good.
Prioritize your health and happiness. The final hurdle to a break-up is often your worries about other people. What will our friends think? What will my parents think? How will we sort out our stuff? Most importantly, how will he feel? However, all of these worries are unimportant in comparison to your own happiness and emotional well-being. While this sounds selfish, it is ultimately the most thoughtful perspective you can adopt. If you’re in a relationship that isn’t working, you’re going to take it out on each other with fights and arguments. Friends and family may get dragged in, and worries about your stuff can turn into possessiveness and secrecy. When you’re ready to end things, all that matters is your decision to break up. The rest of the details will work themselves out.
Sometimes a gut feeling — “This just isn’t working” — is a perfectly acceptable reason for breaking up. Remember that you’re doing this for you, not someone else.
End things quickly once you’ve made you decision. Know that if you don’t break up with him right now – and you keep delaying – the situation you are in may grow worse in the future. You’ll regret not taking action while you could have, and end up wasting both his time and yours in a meaningless relationship. It may hurt right now, but once you get this over with, you’ll be happy you did. Once you go through with it, both parties can move on, but not before.
Remember — it is better to be happy alone than miserable on your own.